1.21.2024

Back again. Not sure where I going with this just felt the need to write a little before bed to wind down. Busy week ahead. In the tail end of the module on animal restraint and handling. Have the farm animals portion next. I really worry bc I've not had experience with farm animals but have always wanted to be around them. I guess having the will to learn counts for something. I'm not sure how this test is gonna be because a lot of the holds need to be embedded in my memory and that will come with practice but I'll continue to study and study more when text arrives that our friend Linda sent us. We just have to pay her back when we get paid..she got a good deal on it and it was nice of her to do that. 

  I have decided I want to get healthy so I can be at my best to serve the animal community. That includes quitting smoking. Checking my blood sugars. Taking my vitamins and inhalers. Eating healthy. Drinking water. Making doctors appointments and exercise as tolerated. I had some.bad experiences when I lived in wch. Bad doctors and no help..it shaped my perspective of the medical community in a very negative way and I'm afraid of doctors but I guess they are just people too. They have degrees and can help me if I'm in an emergency and can't help myself. I just gotta do my part and do all I can and be more mindful of my body as I can. Past trauma has me out of my body and depersonalizing at times. Sometimes it's nice to escape but other times.i wish I was grounded more and more in tune. I guess it comes with practice and healing.

     Pogo had a shower today..landed on the eagle statue and sunned his feathers. He is very smart. We call flying going "weeee" bc r makes a weee sound wen he is excited to fly. Read him some bedtime stories. Really need to get more children's books for him.really I just need a bookshelf for myself and one for pogo.we have our favorite stories we read almost nightly and some.newer.ones too. He was really blowing the kisses today and loved his shower..and pecans. New nuts to try. He likes them. My mom says I talk to pogo in my sleep sometimes and I always nap with my head at his cage and talk to him. Sometimes he chirps a lofi beat and soothes me to sleep..I love my handsome beaker baby. So grateful for him and he is learning by the day. 

     Spent today getting some cleaning done. Pogos cage clean. My room clean. Read some. Did some.homework. played some.video games. Did some DBT worksheets with my friend Linda and some diamond paintings with her via web call. I also played with some fiddlestick toys which are kinda like Lincoln logs. I got my pills filled up for the week. A.shower. and printed off my notes for class...well the first part of them anyways. 

    Tomorrow I meet with my case manager. Have therapy. School work. And follow up to an email Bout my pulmonologist..they wrote the script for a CPAP instead of a bipap and I'm not sure I can tolerate the CPAP it triggers me into childhood trauma where I was hit so hard I lost my breath and that's what the CPAP does is take your breath like sticking your head out the window on the highway..I just hope I can tolerate it bc it would make my life easier but nothing ever comes.easy so Im.prepared to give these doctors a peace of my mind bc I have told them for months now it needs to be a bipap on several occasions can't they just get one thing right? Idk. But hopefully I don't have to redo the process all over again just to get a bipap and hopefully it doesn't take more.months bc I need it. It will help me feel better..idk how I have had to wait this long bc sleep apnea can kill you and I've been without..really my ex should be sued for getting rid of my medical equipment but I just don't even care I want my bipap lol. So that comes with frustration but hopefully it gets fixed soon. 

Well it's After ten And I have a busy day tomorrow. I'm gonna head to bed. Tweet dreams.