Its All In My Head

I just got into it bad with my parents about getting my dog to the vet bc one of hucks nails got stuck in my ring and it hurt him My dad told me the dog was fine so I brought it to both of their attention that this has got to get fixed. And my dad said the dog is fine so I snapped and said if you honestly think the dog is fine you really have something wrong with you. This is getting bad if you think he is fine. And if you honestly think this is really okay you have something wrong with you. So I then said and when is he going to the vet? And then I said Mon said you were going to take the dog to the vet when you got your bonus and he hasnt went yet. Now when is he gonna go? Or am I gonna pay for it when I get paid? This can't continue you. Got screamed at And had to say all of this to him and over him yelling at me that I was starting shit. And I called them all terrible people. Mom is pissed too. But idc

Sometimes I don't feel pain because my mind had to block it out to protect me then days later I feel the pain in my body as if I wasn't there before. Injuries I just walk on through because everyone expects me to. They expect me to stand back up be who I was before. A babysitter. A elderly care taker. Always needed at home. I wasted most of my life taking care of others and never once got the things I desired In life. I would work on family holidays cooking and cleaning for days in a hoarding situation at a young age and the. By the time the holidays were over I crashed and burned and ended up in the looney bin. Overwhelmed. Too many demands put on me. One person. But despite all of that I am grateful that I got to spend so much time with my grandmother. She taught me about the little engine that could " I think I can. I think I can I will I will I will. " Her and Grandpa Jim were my two favorite family members. Grandma and Grandpa told me about the importance of educ...

Pieces Of Me, Splintered Off, Like A Picasso Bomb, But I Survived.  Yet The War Is Never Over.  Left With The Haunting, Battle Wounds, I Won't Let Others, See Me Bleed. I Can Feel The Phantom Sensations, Every Time I Go [Back]. Reliving A Personalized Hell, All Over Again. Hyperventilating. Escalating. Panic. Pain. Holding Breath. Like A Fish Without Water  I Breath, A Survivor. -redhanded.

Flashes Like Lightening, Within My Retina Brews A Storm. Vacant Gaze... Is there Anyone Home? Heart Beating, To The Tune Of Your Past. Trapped In The Memories, That Flood And Drown you, Amongst The Debri On The Shore. A Haunting Trail Of Memories, You Can Never Forget.. Flashes Like Lightening, Within My Retina Brews A Storm. Life Back In Your Eyes, You Return, Heart Still Beating, To The Tune Of Your Past.. -redhanded.

L ost I n years since gone. T rapped Inside T errified. L eft alone to E ndure The Pain Alone. O bscuring My Reality Where Im N ever good E nough. -redhanded.

Tears shed down my cheeks, For the inner child I want to hold, But feel foo vulnerable to let show. I wish I could give them What they deserved.  What they needed.  What they never had.  Back in a time I no longer see myself as This feminine reflection, A past resurrection Of the man I was to become. Don't cry. Suck it up. Strong As A Rock. Everybody's Rock, Yet Ive never had one. Pen to paper I write these words For the child Inside screaming to be heard. -redhanded.

V visions  U dressing L cocked Doors N eeding Comfort E scalating R emembering The A buse. I Feel It In My  B ody, Only Years L ater. When Will It E nd?. -redhanded.

Self Inflicted Scars, Tell The Take Of Punishment. The Story Of My Past, Written On My Skin. Like A Constellation Of Stars, Connecting The Dots, To Find An answer Among Them. -redhanded. 

Even Years Later, I Still Feel The Welts.  The Wounds That Never Heal. Vulnerable. I Suffer In Silence... Never Wanting To Dive  Into The Ocean That Is Me. The Waves Are Crashing. I Feel Like I'm Drowning in A Sea Of Memories That I Wish Would Disappear... Fade... Just Like The Tide. -redhanded.