4/28/2024

 Its almost 4 am. Im up with many things on my mind. Figured I would journal and get some of them out and on paper...maybe out of my head so this may be a ramble but here goes...

I've been living with my parents for over a year now trying to make the best of it despite everything I went through in my breakup. I Am constantly triggered because of childhood issues that are just continuously swept under the rug. Maybe one day i can talk about it. I'm waiting to get on housing lists currently. I filled out the list now I don't know where to apply next. My Case Manager is going to help with that. I See them May 8th. 

         This whole adjustment to new therapists and psychiatrist has effected me more than I thought it would. I miss meeting with my case manager every morning. It was our routine and we did skill building for DBT it was all very helpful to me. I Dont handle change very well but im hoping maybe if i journal that it will help some because really all I have to do is talk it out. Maybe now my words wont be wasted.

    I need to get a laptop that way I Have it when I move. There is a place online that does refurbished ones for reasonable prices. I also got to save up and find a vet for pogo to go for a nail trim. I love my little bird. He loves being on the tv and flying. We bird watch on youtube and he flies. He loves blue jays. When the weather is warmer we will bird watch outdoors. Pogo says some phrases now. "Pogos a pretty bird tweet tweet, He makes fortnite (video game) noises, blows kisses and we have kissy contests to see who can blow the most kisses, he laughs, rings like a phone, does some lofi beats. he learns more all the time. He loves to play with his basketball and hoop and he knows how to use it. He is very intelligent we call flying "going weeeeee" lol. When I got him his new cage I put it together and opened his door and he said "weee" and flew into his new cage on his own. He just knew. He is my soul bird and im so thankful to share my life with me. and is bed time collection of books is ever growing, we need a book shelf. lol

       Been thinking of how nice it will be to have my own place. Pogo will be able to fly all around. ill have more space. it will be my own and i will feel safe and relaxed more. it will be nice and worth it.my own stuff. my own space. my own way of doing things. my independence & freedom again. 

I really need to set down and do a schedule so i can incorporate everything I need to get done in a day done. I miss the schedule my case manager and I were on so i need to schedule something for that time. maybe a motivational podcast during that time? affirmations/mood blog? horoscope? tarot card of the day? ----just some ideas. 

      School has been difficult to focus as they are still adjusting my adhd meds. im in an easier class this semester and it is shorter, so ill get done faster. my focus is only good for a few minutes currently. If they would just put me back on my old adhd med it wouldnt be a problem. but i guess im glad to have something instead of nothing.

    Shoulder has been hurting a lot. trying to get my physical health in good shape so I can get the surgery. Need to make a dr appointment on monday. See my new psychiatrist monday too. lots of things to do but am I worth it? Yes I am. I Have great potential it just sucks being in pain all the time but it could be worse----i tell myself that a lot too. 

Its now 4:35 and ive ran out of things I want to talk about. will write more soon.