14.

Good morning. Meet w my case manager this morning. Didn't want to get up today. Feel pretty tired. Need to knock out a bunch of studying today where I didn't yesterday. Need to do laundry and fill up my pills and hopefully give huck some alcatraz time if the neighbors mother doesn't have her dog out and pogo some fly time. I'll be back later when I'm more awake. Guess I just don't have much to say right now.

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Waiting for fortnite to download the new update and hoping to play a round for my "recess". Got the dog out to alcatraz for some outdoor time. Got pogo out for a bit and he bird watched and sang a bit. He enjoyed it. Feeling a bit down today. I think I'm tired but I've been making sure i get enough sleep it just doesn't seem to be enough. May be my blood sugars which have been tanking but I don't have a good appetite currently and can only eat what sounds good which is mostly liquids. BRB gotta take dog out. 

    Back. Dog was pulling bad on the leash. Had to use two hands to pull him back. My left arm isn't strong enough and my right arm has lost strength. Idk what I'm gonna do about this dog when I have surgery. Dad believes in just throwing him out the front door and it's a small area for him to pee and poop and I just don't think it's fair to the dog. He needs outdoor time so I do that for him. I just wish my shoulder wasn't an issue =[ I'd be doing so much more if it weren't for my shoulder like I'd love to volunteer at a rescue again but there's a lot of limitations and I can't say no I can't do something and hate to ask for help. Mainly bc people look at you like you are stupid or shouldn't have asked for help. They say it's okay to ask for help but it really isn't bc nobody really wants to help anymore. It's my problem I'll handle it myself. I was hurting when I came in and told the dog he has to stop the pulling and dad said just don't take the dog out again and like that's gonna happen but I'll save my breath bc it's not worth an argument. 

Gonna play a game of fortnite and get rid of anger. Bbl

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So the situation with the doggo is only escalating. Tonight bc the dog was begging for a cookie my nephew was teasing him with my dad threw a book and hit the dog. The other day he kicked him. It only makes things worse for the dog and deff doesn't help his anxiety. I'm so angry at my dad it's gonna take a while before I talk to him. I'm at the point in my anger I'm silent. But things with the dog keep intensifying and dad said if he ain't right in a week he's gone or a dead dog. I hate the yelling. I just try and keep the peace I try and keep the dog quiet. My dad may be working from home soon and I'll really have to make sure he's quiet bc he has phone calls to make. It's just gonna make my life hell. I dread having to have my dad home all the time too bc him and mom are just gonna fight and bicker all the time and I'm gonna end up triggered. I really need to invest in some very warm clothes so I can definitely stay in alcatraz when I need to. I went out there today w the dog for a bit and after feeding the birds. Didn't stay very long. Felt a little anxiety about not getting things done on my schedule. And got back to it.